I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize