we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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