As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
