I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
