Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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