the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My vagina is officially offended.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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