We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
