happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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