i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
