Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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