My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I wish i was in the wii world.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
