Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
