she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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