What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
