And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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