mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I look better un-naked...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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