I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I've blown a few things in my day
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
