sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He kissed a someone with a penis
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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