After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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