You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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