Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
