I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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