Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
