i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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