I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize