We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
