8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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