just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
