my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
