Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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