Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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