My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Couch. On fire.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
