I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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