Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
