Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
