i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i believe in u and ur pee
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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