Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
