All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
