Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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