He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
