I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
either way he was missing a nipple.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize