it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
