if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
