I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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