You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
