So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
