I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
