and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
smell my finger.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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