And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
