the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
