I didn't shave. On purpose
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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