i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
