I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize