I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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