This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
