sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
