I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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