my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
