Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
