The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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