Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
