R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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