well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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