what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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