Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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