I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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