my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
