Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
