Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
