She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize