Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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