who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
