no, he came in my armpit
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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