how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
