Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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