I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
