you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
