I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
