I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I could fuck to npr.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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