Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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