i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
