I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
