So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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