Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
