omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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